I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
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Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
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I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss