I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.