ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?