Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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