He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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