let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
