he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
