he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
