Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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