my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
