If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
