I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
