So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
