he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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