It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
