So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I didn't notice because vodka
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
