k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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