umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
