You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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