How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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