I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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