you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
