I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize