if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
