why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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