Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
