you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Randomize
