You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
