I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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