Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
