Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
