yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
