I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
