My Higher Power is John Stamos
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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