My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
