Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
operation harelip BJ is a go
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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