And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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