It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
