Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
