Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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