i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
