I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
