weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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