all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
