Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
