i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
