whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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