i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
