He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
