There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
