im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
