it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
