That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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