Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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