i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
