fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
