I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
