I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
what the fuck happened to the tacos
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
