No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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