I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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