The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she told me i tasted like america
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
