I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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