which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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