I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
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I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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