Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
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