Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
