No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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