i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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