im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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