Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
