im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
