you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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